I have struggled recently with a conflict of emotions.
2016 has actually been a pretty awesome year for our family. Everything we have worked hard to achieve over the last 5 years has come together.
Re-training as a yoga teacher has been life-changing for me and working with the special children in my life has been super rewarding – thank you TT and Marigold! Our own children are all happy. Lucas has stayed in the UK for his sixth form, Carys’s health is good and her condition of Williams Syndrome is being managed positively. Delilah is thriving at pre-school and is proving to be an intelligent, funny and lively little character. Our parents are all alive and well and my marriage is the best it has ever been. (Rob suggested that I write this but it is actually true.) So, for one moment forgetting global uncertainty and the plethora of tragic iconic deaths, life is peachy.
But in the last few weeks I have been ‘in my head’ more than I would like. It has taken some reflection to realise that the monkey on my back is my Ego. Even when things are going well I am obsessing about what people think of me, whether I am doing enough, working hard enough, achieving what I should. Am I liked? Is everyone finding all the “blah, blah, blah, yoga, yoga, yoga yoga” painful?
This self-analytical obsession is so utterly boring and unnecessary and is standing in the way of happiness. I want it to bugger off. I don’t want to care about it but it keeps rearing its little simian head. And I find it difficult to celebrate successes. The monkey is telling me I don’t deserve it or it will be taken away if I get too big headed.
I want to be able to dance, sing and shout about the joys in life as the one thing that is certain is that there will be difficult times ahead just as there have been in the past.
We need to celebrate and practice self-care now so we are emotionally filled up with happy memories and can deal with the inevitable low points. Otherwise, we end up so highly strung that minor annoyances break us, the final straw but on a regular basis. WE’VE RUN OUT OF ALMOND MILK? WAAAHH!!! Not that I have done that, nope. Not me.
So going forward into 2017 I am focusing on letting go of my little monkey frenemy, using my breath to kick its tiny butt.
I will be breathing out the negative chatter and breathing in all the awesomeness that I have achieved.
If this sounds familiar then give it a go too.
Think of at least 3 amazing things you have achieved this year and breathe the feeling of joy and celebration into your heart.
Tell yourself “you are freaking awesome!” because you are.
Happy New Year guys!
AKA Mama Love Yoga London